Recently I have noticed in myself a tendency to think and read more about spiritual things than actually live a spiritual life of prayer. It's an ironic temptation. For example, often times I read or write late into the night, come away tired and then (sometimes) say a quick prayer and cross myself before drifting off to sleep. Honestly, if the angels wouldn't whisper, "Is this bed to be my coffin..?" in my ear, I'm not sure I'd even get a quick prayer in half the time. Other times when I am actually praying, very often certain words will spark different thoughts on a related subject and I will be thinking about those things while my mouth is reciting prayers.
I am now reading a book called The Way of a Pilgrim (author unknown). It is a lovely little book full of wisdom about understanding Prayer of the Heart (Jesus Prayer) and learning to apply it. Just the other night I encountered this dialogue which deals exactly with my issue. I offer it here in case it may encourage you as it has me. I put in bold my favorite part.
(spiritual Father) "Tell me more about the edifying experiences you have encountered in your wanderings."
(pilgrim) "It would take a long time to tell of them all; besides, I have already forgotten a great deal; I have always tried to remember only that which guided and urged my indolent soul to prayer. All the rest I remember but rarely. Or rather, I try to forget the past, as the Apostle Paul bids us. My late elder of blessed memory also used to say that forces opposed to the Prayer in the heart assail us from two sides, from the right hand and the left. In other words, if the enemy cannot distract us from prayer by means of vain and sinful thoughts, he brings back edifying reminiscences into our minds, or fills them with beautiful ideas so that he may draw us away from the Prayer--a thing which he cannot bear. This is called 'a theft from from the right side,' where the soul, forgetting its intercourse with God, revels in a colloquy with itself or with other created things. Therefore, he taught me to shut myself off from even the most sublime spiritual thoughts whenever I am at prayer. And if at the end of the day I remembered that more time had been given to lofty ideas and talks than to the essential secret Prayer of the Heart, I was to consider it a sign of spiritual covetousness and immoderation."
5 comments:
S Prazdnikom!
So true...and often I attribute this to the fact that I have 2 children and am exhausted, but we can make time to pray, God will give us strength.
Very nice post!
I know my favorite saint (and the one I'm going to choose as my patron saint) Anthony the Great often experienced constant attacks by the Tempter because of his fervent prayer. I often am guilty of letting my mind wander even as I pray, but when I catch myself doing that I try to pray all the harder. What I've gotten into the habit of doing is just before prayer standing still, taking a deep breadth, and clearing my mind. It's basically letting my body know, "OK, here we go - get ready!" like an athlete would before a big game. Paul once compared spirituality to sports, so I guess it's fitting here.
I forgot what else I was gonna put here but oh well.
Dear Petronia,
you are taling about two different thing - distraction during prayer and preferance for reading rather then praying. I am like that myself - distracted and prefer to read about spiritual things rather then practice them. And still I want to say one thing in favour of reading spiritual literature - it is like a heart to heart a conversation with either a saint or someone close and it edifies me. These day I am reading a book by Metropolitan Antoni Surozhsky and it is like talking to him and listening to him - what a privilege!
m.O
m.O,
You're right, they are 2 different things. But don't you think they can be similar? I think that the very end of the quote is what I related to my immoderation with spiritual thoughts/readings compared to my prayer life:
"And if at the end of the day I remembered that more time had been given to lofty ideas and talks than to the essential secret Prayer of the Heart, I was to consider it a sign of spiritual covetousness and immoderation."
I agree with you, for sure, that reading brings us nearer to the author/saint. I really feel this when I read from Lives of the Saints or esp things by St Nicholai of Ochrid.
good thoughts, pete. spiritual arrogance and spiritual pleasure for its own sake is so subtle.
hey you need to be part of our reading group. i know the book comes from Protestant Church, Inc. but i think you're mature enough in Orthodox.org to handle it. we'd love your perspective--we'd be enriched by it. truly!
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